I first met Molly Morgen through my brother Chandler Corzine. They had gone to school together and he was now helping her plan the Lived Stoked Conference. The conference was in 2016 and Molly was only 22. The Lord gave her a dream to uplift and encourage young people to press into their purpose. This proved to be the most challenging, but also rewarding thing Molly had done. Many people ask, when the next conference is going to be and her answer is... only God knows. However until then, she is in the process of sharing stories worth telling through her new project, The Live Stoked Podcast. It was an honor of mine to be the first guest, and I was able to share my thoughts and views about God, love, and life within community.
It was my pleasure to interview Molly and learn more about her life, especially her interactions with mental health and the process of growth. We met at Scrimshaw Coffee in San Diego, CA for a cup of tea and pop-tarts. I hope this interview inspires you to share your story with a friend, a family member, or a stranger.
Taylor Corzine: Hey, Molly. Thanks again, for doing this interview. So I know this might be tough, but I was thinking we would cut the small talk, and get straight to the good stuff so to speak, or I guess the bad stuff, technically.
M.M.: (Laughs) Ok, definitely.
T.C.: Next week, you are coming up on three years since you were emitted into a mental health facility. How many people in your life know about this?
Molly Morgen: I would say like twenty-five to fifty percent. A lot of people don't really know this happened in my life, and it’s not because I am hiding it. It’s just something I don’t lead with when I meet people, and sometimes it never comes up.
T.C.: I entirely understand. I once had a server tell me they had read my entire journal before I knew their name. Has that ever happened to you? Where somebody already knew all about your personal life? How did you respond?
M.M.: I mean sometimes, and it tends to make me feel kind of guilty. I don't want people to think I'm untouchable. I am passionate about mental health and want to be approachable. The reason I tell this story is so I can talk with people, pray with them, and whatever else they may need. It’s a little different with social media now. It can end up putting people on a platform. So, when someone comes up and says, “Hi, I know you from Instagram” it might not be in the way I want, but I am a normal person. I just want people to know I am reachable.
T.C.: Definitely, we’re all trying to figure out how to make things better, and have meaningful relationships with people, whether through the help of social media or simply being with people. I know we have pretty different experiences when it comes to our time in the hospital. I actually checked myself in. I went to the front desk and said, “I'd like to kill myself.” It was somewhat basic and very relaxed. I know that’s not mostly the case, so can you describe what the process was like for you?
M.M.: I would say that I’ve struggled with this sort of thing for a long time. I had done my best to fight through it, or suppress as much as I could, but on that particular day, it reared its ugly head finally. I couldn’t prevent myself from feeling it, and I think it’s one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. I had to actually look at myself in the mirror, and address I had a problem. I mean I definitely went kicking and screaming the whole way. I didn't go willingly. I had told my friends that morning I was feeling depressed and they knew everything I was going through. Eventually, precautions were taken and the cops were called. So it was all pretty sudden, I had a lot of people not know where I was at.
T.C.: Thanks for sharing that. I find it interesting we met each other after these experiences. Unfortunately, we will never know what the other was like before, but thankfully we have these similar experiences that have brought us so much further. What was your next step? What did you do, once you got out?
M.M.: Things got darker before they got better; that situation radically changed me. I had experienced God on a deeper level and had never been closer to the Lord before. I know it sounds funny, but getting out lead me to see a therapist, getting real help for the first time in years. I finally was real with myself, and real with God. I took steps toward healing and getting better.
T.C.: I wish it wasn’t always darkest before the dawn, but it seems to be true. I have to point out this was a different stay at the hospital, then if you broke your leg, got a cast, and it’s healed within a couple months. These hurts or habits can last a lifetime. What are some tendencies you have seen overlap?
M.M.: It's not something unique to you or me, but I struggle on a daily basis questioning what the point is? Why am I here and what am I doing? We need hope our lives are going to matter and mean something. I think for most people living with depression wake up every day and ask themselves, “What’s the purpose for all of this?” Is there any purpose in this, this day, what I am doing? And I think that when answering this with positivity, with a confident yes, reinforced by the Lord, then you’re able to step into whatever reality you’re living in.
T.C.: There is so much within the discussion of meaning, value, and existence especially within the conversation of mental health. Over the years I have seen a bunch of professionals and taken some different medications. They all had an effect on my worldview, so what treatments would you say helped you throughout the years?
M.M.: For a little while I took an anti-anxiety medication, and I didn't really like the effects that it had on me. I would take it before I go to sleep and it would make me tired. I couldn’t drive after I took it, so my night was over at 6 pm. I think one of the reasons a lot of people struggle with depression or anxiety is because we are emotional. I am very emotional. One of our biggest strengths is our biggest weakness. I think the Lord gives us these feelings to help other people. Therefore, I’m able to have a large capacity for empathy towards others. I am able to help people more because of that. On the flip side, the enemy takes what the Lord has given us and ruins it. When emotions are not rooted in truth, then that’s where things get bad. There’s no shame in seeing a therapist. It shows you care about your health, especially if you are in a position of leadership. I think it’s a big mistake if you’re meeting with someone, let it be a counselor or mentor. You need someone to guide you and lead you through the tough times. It’s very prideful to say that you don’t need anyone to speak to your life.
T.C.: I completely agree and encourage people to talk to another person. It may be talking with a friend, then a family member, and then a professional, but it just can’t be one person. That’s why I am so thankful you shared your story. You are a model to so many people, especially in the way you support others. I never see you complain, and almost always see a smile. Most would consider you “happy”, but how would you describe yourself?
M.M.: I think a lot of people, even myself would use the word “intensity”. It’s based off my life experiences, but also a level of passion the Lord has given me for life and things that are not normally talked about, like mental health. I am definitely really passionate about it. So at times, people will say, “Wow, you’re really intense!” But it’s because I believe it is important and no one here is talking about it. I think it is great that people are talking about it more though. I still think people need to talk about it more, so people will feel free to experience life and seek help. There’s no need to keep it quiet.
T.C.: Originally, I didn’t want anything to do with this. I didn’t want to end up being the poster boy. I didn’t want to keep talking about all the bad things that happened to me. But then I realized it could be an encouragement and a way to share love with others, but also myself. Some say we are who we are because of our experiences, but we don’t have to embed our identity in them. You have now rooted your life in Jesus and want to help people. Nonetheless, what are some obstacles that still get in the way?
M.M.: There’s this quote from Aristotle, “...for the hardest victory is over self.” I know it’s more complex, but that part really sticks out to me. I believe my greatest obstacle is myself, which is awesome in a way. I just need to rely on the Lord to overcome myself. But on the adverse point, I’m going to be stuck with myself forever and a lot of this happens in my mind. Typically, the people I know with depression are strong thinkers, and it doesn’t matter what age, or how long they’ve had depression, they all ask the same question, “Why is this happening to me?” But in a way, this should be encouraging. The enemy is trying to attack your mind because it’s not as easy to defend. For instance, if he tried to tempt me with lust, it wouldn’t work as well. But since I’m overthinking constantly, I am attacked in my mind. The enemy wants to take away what is strongest, the mind, because he knows through bad thoughts he can lead you in a different direction.
T.C.: Thankfully, we see Jesus redeem the flesh making as you said our biggest weakness become our greatest strength. What would you say is the biggest challenge in changing our society and culture towards mental health?
M.M.: I don’t know. One thing I have seen is a lot of people don’t seem to care about it. It seems the people that don't understand mental health, or who have never experienced anything like depression or anxiety before prefer to give a clique Christian answer instead and I want to really stray away from that. Because for someone who feels it’s dark all around them and no one can reach them, those answers don’t work. Something I have realized is depression is like you're drowning in a pool. Your friends and family are outside on the edge of the pool. They're yelling down at you, “Swim! Swim!” and you're screaming, “I can’t move. I'm drowning!” but they can’t understand you. That’s where Jesus jumps into the pool and saves you. He helps us stay afloat and teaches us to swim. So I think that’s the best thing people could do, just jump in the pool. Help those who are drowning and let them know they can do it. It’s nice to pray for people from the side, but we are called to bear each other’s burdens. We have to be in the thick of it like Jesus would be. That’s the biggest challenge. Life is messy, and that’s why sharing the gospel is too. Bob Goff talks about how we can’t see people who are depressed as weird and gross or be afraid of getting dirty. He says, “Get it on you!” I think that’s the main thing to note here. It’s not going to be clean cut, but that’s what we are called to as believers.
T.C.: You are so right. I hate getting dirty. When I was a kid I would cry if I got dirt underneath my fingernail. Well, Molly, I have had a great time doing this interview with you and learning a little more about your story. What does 2018 look like for you?
M.M.: Every year I try to take on one big thing that is going to challenge me to grow, and so after graduating from a pretty small Christian college I decided that I didn’t want to live in a little bubble anymore. That inspired me to do the Live Stoked conference, live in Nicaragua for three months, and through doing all these things, I realized how much I need God. If God hadn’t shown up, then I would have failed. There are so many obstacles that I overcame with the Lord’s help. I just want to be more desperate for Jesus this year. I want to care about the things he cares about, and the people he cares.
T.C.: Well thank you once again, Molly. I had a lot of fun, and I hope you did too.
Listen to the newly released Lived Stoked Podcast hosted by Molly Morgen
